Weighing The Consequences
by Bre Henson
Summary: Mello would always do whatever was neccessery to beat Near, and catch Kira; with not regrets. Yet, when he was alone, his conscience began to creep up on him.


**A/N: This is just the result of some thoughts I had. Mello seems to be Catholic, and as such surely some of the things he does affects him? Also, don't think that this is my opinion on God, and all that, because a lot of this isn't.  
I mean really, I don't think Mello's damned to rot in Hell because of his temper. Anyway, please read and review. :)**

Mello sighed in frustration; he leaned back in the beat-up armchair he was sitting in. He was totally alone in the cheap, messy apartment that he and Matt called home.

Mr. Yagami was weighing heavily on his conscience. He fingered his rosary; even though he hadn't pulled the trigger, he'd given the order to.

Did God hate him for that? Was he going to end up in Hell?

He shuddered, Earth he could take, Heaven would be awesome, but Hell?

He remembered all the grim sermons he'd heard every Sunday of his childhood, the same sermons he still listened to when he had a free Sunday.

He scowled; why wasn't Matt back yet? How long did it take to buy cigarettes, chocolate, and instant ramen?

He began to grind his teeth; _"I bet he got distracted by the freaking game aisle! Again!"_ he thought.

If Matt would just hurry up…he could rant to the gamer about things.

Things other than this…

Why was religion so confusing? Would it be so awful for the Bible to have a translation?

"If I'm _such_ a genius, then why can't I come up with any answers?" Mello demanded. He'd prayed, and prayed asking God to tell him whether or not he was going to Hell; so far He hadn't answered, and it was starting to take its toll on Mello.

"_Are you okay?" Matt had asked.  
_"_Yeah, I'm fine! Just leave me alone!" Mello had snapped.  
_"_Okay, then; whatever." Matt had answered.  
_"_Matt…"_ Mello thought. _"Does he even believe in God?"  
_His best friend had never mentioned going to Church, or anything vaguely religious for that matter. What if the gamer was an atheist?  
Mello didn't want his best friend to never have a shot at redemption.  
"_Maybe I should talk to him about it when he gets back?"_ He shook himself away from that thought; it was quickly leading him back to his original train of thinking…

"_Dear Heavenly Father," _he prayed. _"I know that some of my methods going against your teachings, but- I have to catch Kira! And I will do anything to achieve that end. Please Lord, forgive me for any sins I may commit… All this I pray in the name of the Savior, Jesus Christ." _

Mello closed his eyes, and sighed again; he began to remember something his mother had told him a very long time ago…

_"A prayer is just a prayer, Mihael! You have to put action behind it! You think just because you beg for forgiveness that God will just magically let you do the same thing over, and over again, without consequence? You may ask Him to forgive your tempr, but that doesn't mean that you can get away with it for the rest of your life! You have to put forth effort to stop committing the act for which you ask forgiveness!" she shouted, her eyes ablaze with pious anger.  
_"_Yes mother…" he had answered, his head hung low with shame.  
_

He clenched his hands into fists at that memory; his mother had been convinced that every slight mistake was going to damn her to Hell.  
Why did the philosophies of the parent have to leave their mark on the child?

_"You're really scared of this 'Hell' concept, aren't you?" Near asked.  
_"_It's not a concept Near!" Mello shouted. "It's reality and if you don't realize that you're going to end up in flames! Although that really wouldn't be much of a loss in my opinion!"  
__Near merely gave Mello a blank stare, "Whatever you say Mello…"_

Mello wondered if God was angry with him for saying that to Near?  
Then again, Mello frowned; could God really love that obnoxious albino?  
Mello swallowed in shame; God loved everyone…  
He scowled…_"Even Near…"_

"_Please God!" _he begged. _"Give me a sign! Something, anything! I don't care what it is! Just show me what I have to do!"  
_He stopped his swirling thoughts, and listened…  
Nothing.

That was the one thing that had always annoyed him; you could ask all the questions of God that you wanted to, but He chose when he wanted to answer…


End file.
